“For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m assuming (perhaps ignorantly?) that most of us agree some moments of anger are unavoidable. In some cases, anger feels like it may even be necessary, or dare I say, important toward bringing about some change or response. Anger can inspire us to do things we “normally” would not choose to do, if not for that boiling blood within our veins. Do you remember your last moment of intense anger? I was bartending in New York City, and a tipsy guy who was insulting everyone (including himself) reached over the bar and grabbed my shirt at the collar before I had a chance to issue him his final warning.
Then I drew back my arm to punch his face.
Have you ever experimented with underreacting? According to Webster — Underreact: to react with less than appropriate force or intensity.
I’ve lost the battle to anger before, but on this occasion at the bar, I was able to stop myself (totally felt like slow motion), assess the situation, and, well, underreact — all helpful to the end of keeping my job and avoiding police involvement, or far worse. Sure, my ego and my New Yorker
machismo was a wee bit bruised, but my body remained in tact. Hitting that dude seeking attention and consolation with strangers at a bar through alcoholic intoxication may have felt appropriate (and gratifying) on a very physical level. I still fantasize about my fist actually connecting with his face, having to bandage my knuckles later, girls realizing how strong my punches were, you know, Marty McFly type stuff. But his timing couldn’t have been better, because I guess it was
“underreacting day for Jeremy Kocal,” you know, that holiday (holy day?) that comes every so often to both fascinate me, challenge me, and remind me that there are additional options beyond violence when it comes to dealing with my common human struggle: anger.
My immediate impulses at the bar were for violence (face punching). Leave it to good ol’ Lau-tzu to come up with this one –
“Someone must risk returning injury with kindness, or hostility will never turn to goodwill.”
Ya, I hear you Lau-tzu, good old buddy, old pal. So I guess I’m a risk taker, and putting it out there to you readers of posts and blogs, that if we really want “peace on earth and goodwill to men,” (1) maybe there’s something to be said about underreacting now and then. Still, would have been nice to punch him. But have you ever had one of those defining moments in life? Feels like this one definitely defined something I’m going for, something I should listen to, and hopefully, repeat.
———————————————————————————————————————
(1) The phrase “peace on earth and good will to men” comes from the nativity story of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth found in Luke 2 of the New Testament. A bunch of angels appear and bust out in song, and those are part of their lyrics that day. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays :).
